Thursday's video visit. Mostly just talked about my work week, my struggles through this winter, and my stupid transference. I feel like she is also just holding on until I can start getting back to "my life" after all the surgeries and medical set backs. For the most it was a "lighter" session for us - which is good as it was a video visit and the purpose was to just keep a connection. She did not take my book with her so she could not read it to me. I had wrote about it but we never talked about it. She said she didn't want to go all rogue and take it out of the office. I had the copy have checked out from the library. I started saying the story from memory, then got stuck, so I pulled it out and showed her. I joked about being able to show her my house. That is a weird thought, that I could have walked her through my house. I kind of want to at the same time it feel too .... I don't know, not like I keep much from her. Just feels uncomfortable, so I didn't.

She was wearing a winter coat and that through me off some, was distracting. I am glad she was able, willing, and encouraged the contact. It has been a very difficult winter for me and I've been struggle a lot with identity and existence.