I really feel for you.
does your insurance cover therapy visits?
I would encourage you in that direction.
There are self help books on how to improve your life, self esteem.
See if there is a "Meet up" group in your area. They have them usually for different hobbies and interest. It is internet based where they schedule activities. learn something new. Go to the library.
I am sorry you are sad.
What about an anti depressant?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi