Forget her, she is an adult who is hurting your children and messing up their lives. Get full custody of the kids as soon as possible and get the oldest into therapy asp. Stop protecting her from her choices and let her suffer the consequences of her bad behavior. When she decides to be a real mother you can let her back into their lives but you job now is the kids, not her.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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