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Originally Posted by tevelygo
So, this... I might find a goal for now in breaking this mental addiction thingy I have. It's not your typical addiction but it does get in the way of doing much else all that much. But also because it acts as distraction against having to experience the incredible negative stress/emotionality that I'd otherwise have... Uh like I tried to stay away from it yesterday and it was a terrible few hours and then when I got back to it I was instantly detached from the actual world and feeling good that way.
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I would say my paranoid, grandiose psychoses function in a similar way because in it I am an important person and what I do or don't do actually matters, whereas normally my life these days seems quite meaningless. It's an escape from reality. What kind of negative emotionality do you experience that you are distracting yourself from with the mental addiction?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tevelygo
Exactly. I don't just want to get through the day...and I can't. Probably that's precisely the reason why I can't.
I don't simply have depression, I have some very weird emotional dysregulation affecting both positive and negative feelings in various ways.
How do you get started, nd what kind of self-defeating things were you referring to?
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You know, maybe this is the root of my depression beside the energy problem... not being satisfied with just getting through the day. I also have a weird emotional dysregulation all the way round.
How do I get started. Well it is just grim determination to not pay attention to all the thoughts of how uncomfortable I will be, even going to the grocery store can become an insurmountable obstacle at times. But today I met a friend for lunch, took a short walk with her, went shopping and came home.
That counts as a full day for me nowadays.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tevelygo
I'm not sure what this emptiness is like but I'm like, what's the point of just doing things neatly? I mean, I do want to do that but I'm just not able to... no real motivation.
Is that it?
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The emptiness for me is a complete lack of interest in doing anything other than hiding from the world. I'm not sure what you mean by doing things neatly but did want to add that I also appreciate your thoughtful comments in this thread.