hi everyone,

thanks for the link ocean... even though i am now sooo scared because there are so many issues that i realized i have from looking at that info it's very overwhelming to me at this point. i am terrified that it is to late or me to work on these problems and no matter what i do things wont get back to what they used to be with my wife. i will try 100% to work on all these emotions and irrational thoughts to save my marriage. my wife says it's not to late, she allways says she loves me very very much and is still here even after all i have put her through. she keeps saying i just need to fix these problems and all will be ok. lol whats funny is i dont think she realizes that involves trust LOL how ironic.. anyways, i am going to try to believe that all will be ok for now. at least that will give me the drive to stop this crap. and as far as my history goes ocean.. well my parents always told me i was worthless, ofcourse i was a horrible trouble making teenager and my first wife cheated on me when i was going through my impending doom crisis and going to school to better my family. so i do contribute alot of this to those two things. thnx all ttyl