Here's another update for anyone who cares.
These past few weeks have been really bad. These past few days especially depression has been hitting me like a train, I've been cooped up in my room for three days straight basically and my host mom is starting to get really worried. If I keep this up I don't know what will happen.
I am also having ED and addiction problems resurfacing.
So since obviously I am doing so poorly I am in desperate need of mental health support yet I don't have access to my therapist obviously (she said I could call her but I think only in a crisis situation). So I joined the betterhelp online therapy website even though it's expensive and it means I might not be able to afford trips I want to take
It's only been a couple days so I can't tell if it is helping or not. It feels good to have someone I can just vent to, but at the same time without that genuine human connection like I have with my therapist back home I am less receptive to the online therapist's advice.

Anyway that's how things are. I'd appreciate some good vibes or prayers sent my way. I feel so guilty for not enjoying this trip that's supposed to be so fantastic. I just want to go home