But I feel awful. I often feel the need to place myself under house arrest, you know? even though I could have a good time outside seeing things... I want to feel my depression fully... just let it sink in. I don't know if I cope or dismiss. I just want to feel it, maybe I'm a masochist but it makes me feel better.

And I may or may not have issues with food. I feel awful partly because I don't like the idea that I might be staying here for a while. I haven't stayed in the same place for more than half a year for a long time. life is like a sinkhole, I need to be on the move. I was sure I was going to SI last night but I fell asleep. for the past couple of days I've woken up feeling like SI'ing, todays the same. I feel like I'm already dead. and I wish I could have a hug. I wish I could have a dad. predictable daddy issues.