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cjnukem36 said:
hi everyone,

thanks for the link ocean... even though i am now sooo scared because there are so many issues that i realized i have from looking at that info it's very overwhelming to me at this point. i am terrified that it is to late or me to work on these problems and no matter what i do things wont get back to what they used to be with my wife.

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Hi cj

This statement of yours really hit me and I just wanted to say that no matter what the issues are, it is NEVER too late to work on them! While things may not get sorted the way you think they should be, the fact that you make the effort to change whatever you feel needs changing is what is important.

I think that whenever we realize that there are multiple issues in our lives that we need to work on, it's very important to not look at the big picture so as not to get anxious and overwhelmed and then just give up because it all seems too daunting a task.

When I did a lot of work on myself, I made a list of the 10 most important things I wanted to change within in me or within my lifestyle. From there, I made a list of what I thought to be 5 critical things that needed my attention. I then put them into the order that I thought at the time I needed to work on them.

Now, as you start to work on ONE thing, sometimes you take detours to other things along the way (they are all intertwined don't you think?). Just the fact that I even started working on those issues was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders....I was finally making headway!

But that is how I broke it down to make more sense to me and not give me such a sense of being overwhelmed by it all. And, I found that very often, one thing leads to another and before you know it, change is being accomplished. What an awesome feeling it is to realize that!

It's also important to remember that while we are working to make changes, that sometimes we stall or go a bit backwards....please don't be too concerned about that. Learning and change take time and practice and most of all an open mind to endless possiblities

Maybe too, you may have to change your perception of wanting things to be the way they used to be with your wife. I don't believe we can ever go back to those times, but I do believe we can grow, mature, learn and apply to the here and now so that our relationships can do the same thing and move onto another level. A level that is even greater than where it "used to be" if you get my drift

I wish you well in your quest to make the changes to yourself and your life that you feel you need to do.


sabby