Why do you suppose he's worried about his ability to perform at work? Isn't that how he contributes to keeping the home going? He would naturally worry that, if his job performance/capability is impaired, he could be let go. On the other hand, with a wife who loves him as much as you seem to, I doubt he's going around every day thinking, "She might dump me." I think most people worry about anything that affects their value as an employee because employers don't keep you around because they love you.

You sound like you love this man and believe he loves you. But you're telling us you feel slighted that your husband isn't in a state of anxiety over risking getting the heave-ho from you that he may fear getting from his boss. Arbie, you sound a trifle silly. Maybe you should lay it on the line in business-like fashion: "Well, Hubby-dear, I'll be doing your annual evaluation next month. I have to forewarn you that your attentiveness has been sub-standard for the position you hold in this home. I may have to put you on a 90 day probation. If your attentiveness doesn't improve within 3 months, I'll be taking applications from other recruits for the position of husband. I'ld hate to let you go, but I have standards to maintain around here."

Okay - maybe I misunderstand. What I've just said was because I took it that you see the survival of the marriage at state. Maybe you didn't mean that. Maybe you just meant that the quality of the marriage is compromised. He may be so satisfied with "the marriage" that he doesn't see that. What exactly is in jeopardy: "The Marriage" or your happiness? It's perfectly legitimate to say that you would like to be happier. You count too. I think women sometimes feel they can only complain about something, if they make the case that "It threatens the survival of the marriage." Does this really rise to that level? Mighten it just be that you would simply like to be responded to more attentively, and isn't your satisfaction in the relationship plenty important, even if you aren't mad enough to walk out over this.

I think we women weaken our position when we claim The Marriage is not doing well, when the husband is perfectly happy with it. It's his marriage too. My point is you might just want to negotiate for a change in his attitude. You might want to use the combination strategy of the carrot and the stick. "Honey, I'll be so much more happy, if you'll work on this little failing you have. Oh, and BTW, you're going to be so much less happy, if you don't." You see: right now The Marriage suits him just fine just the way it is. That you can change!