This past weekend I saw my rapist. It brought back so many memories about my past. I got so sick to my stomach. All I wanted to do was grab my dad's hunting rifle and blow his brains out! I want him to hurt as bad as he hurt me. I'm scared to death of him, as he still watches me when he sees me. I'm glad I don't see him often.

I'm sitting here holding myself, as if it would prevent him from raping me again. I was only 4 when he and his friend raped me. I rarely talk about him at all. I think maybe I should. He's still that predator he once was. I beilieve that in my heart to be true. I could crawl into a hole and just stay there if that meant he could never touch me again. I know that's not possible. I think if given the chance, he'd rape me again. That's my worst fear.

Would anyone come to protect me if it happened again? I don't have an answer for that because I really don't know. There are times, like right now, where I can almost feel them rubbing themselves up against me...the body remembers...