I met my boyfriend seven years ago at a bipolar support group I facilitated. So cat out of the bag, lol. He’s snoring next to me and my 20-lb cat is asleep on his back, lol.

However, I tested the waters on a good friend years ago. I’d been diagnosed but she didn’t know. She was at my house visiting and I mentioned I’d been feeling “down” and “maybe depressed,” lately. She told me in great spirit how her neighbor “conquered” her depression by becoming a triathlete.

I said that’s great and changed the subject. My diagnosis after a severe mixed episode with psychosis....well, we worked together and those two factors (work explained below) led me to not tell her.

We worked together and I had several other friends from work. We were all lawyers and socialized outside of work. But the work environment was .... professional business environment.

That said! One attorney there had bipolar disorder. She was already there when I was hired so I didn’t know her story. Everyone knew she had bipolar and thought she was “crazy.” And they liked her, she was smart, and she produced excellent work product. I didn’t have bipolar disorder then. (Hormonal changes down the road activated my bipolar genes. Motherhood.)

I thought she was nice, intelligent and funny. We worked at different courthouses so I didn’t see her much. She was still there when I moved on.

Also, we worked for the government and that made a difference. I did not have bipolar disorder or my other diagnoses at that time. I subsequently moved to be general counsel for a large corporation and that’s when I became symptomatic. I didn’t tell them, I had waaay too much legal responsibility and I wasn’t comfortable. Me. I’d say 50/50 they’d keep me on, but I remember being fully psychotic and delusional. I had extreme paranoia and ... it did affect my job because I was very ill. I’m very fortunate that I never messed anything up. I went IP six months and my (ex) husband told them I was “depressed because my mom died.”

They wanted me back when I got out. I resigned and said I greatly appreciated all the years with them, but I was going to spend more time with my family. They emailed me again six months later. I deleted it.

I was strongly advised by my treatment team after my long IP stay to file for SSDI. I did so online and got approved in two months. I’ve been reviewed once and I’m still disabled.

But a lot of people CAN work. I am disabled now and no longer practice. In law firms, it is highly unlikely that there would be disclosure by a worker. I guarantee you there are heaps of attorneys with mental illness, but it’s a secret. The legal community here is stigmatized.

I told no one at work. I told no one in the legal community and I have my law license, but I’ll never use it again. But that’s just me.

I ghosted the legal community and that included my old lawyer friends. They wouldn’t understand. My ex-husband made it public when he filed for divorce at the courthouse I worked at and attached my approved SSDI paperwork. I’m nearly certain they found out because it took 5 years.

They had a law school class come in and observe one of the hearings, lol. Geez. Courts open, ah well. I won at least, lol. My psychiatrist testified that just because I couldn’t work didn’t mean I couldn’t be a good parent.

Maybe you say they would be cool, but the person from the govt job was a very rare thing. A good thing. I’d moved on to the corporate world/private sector.

I’m not ashamed, at all. I think it depends on the environment and whether it is personal or business.

If I had met my partner elsewhere and he wasn’t bipolar, too...I would have told him before we were intimate. Shoot, time frame....thinking.....I would within a month if we were going to be exclusive. (And I’m monogamous.)

Maybe this will help. I have some “eating issues” that affect my daily life and I keep private. I kept it secret from my (ex) husband although it was obvious after awhile (thin). I told my bf about it and that’s how I was, I was ok, and he needed to not try and change me. I told my pdoc, too.

I hope that helps. If they matter, tell them early on. If they don’t react well, that is their issue and best wishes in their endeavors.

That’s what I did. You can make a ton of friends at a bipolar support group meeting. Check meetup dot com, DBSA, NAMI, etc.

I found mine on meetup. Very cool people. I just don’t see any other folks, most often, as I am happy and don’t get out much. My best girlfriend is bipolar and I met her there, too.

I didn’t read the replies yet. I just want to emphasize that we have nothing to be ashamed of because we have a mental illness. I do feel like a square peg in a round hole. I found square pegs and square holes. I like all kinds of folks, but I am introverted and agoraphobic. My entire biological family is dead except for my daughter. Of course, she knows, lol.

I might join a book club one day. Sometimes I get a “feel” if someone is mentally ill. I would be more than happy to have coffee with them later if they had hinted they had a MI. I just might tell them, too.

Nice job, Christina!!! I don’t do social media but I’m happy for you!

Pheasant, I didn’t know how to answer your question simply. It’s not a simple question or decision, in my opinion. For example, if a workplace is stigmatized and your paycheck supports your family...I think that’s an easy question to answer. But it’s rarely that easy and personal relationships are more complex. I hope my story helped you.

Oh...he’s not around anymore but my brother had it. We talked and even laughed about it, at times, lol. He was awesome. He told our (unsupportive) parents and me. No one else.