My girls are 19 and 20 so I did tell them because I wanted them to understand 1: they may have in the past functioned in my mind as triggers unwittingly although thier behaviors were never anythging but usual and 2: that they should model thier own identities as women and as my children and as citizens in the world on what they have internalized from me and all other adults in thier lives as they grew up, only on what they feel is true and workable and authentic to thier own developing personalities. Leave the rest behind and feel free to reject and rework any beliefes and behaviors and attitudes of mine that don't fit. In other words little girls try on thier Moms clothes but when they try on thier Moms identities they should toss anything that doesn't fit and feels uncomfortable. I wanted them to know my personality is not yet integrated and I am also developing and maturing so they need not use me as a benchmark of what a woman's life will have to be like as they enter the "real" world.
Was I overly verbal in my answer? JMHO
Kathy