My writeup of my bonus half-hour session today will make more sense if I first post the e-mail exchange. Background: T will be out of town next week, but declined to say where or if work vs. fun when I asked. Which apparently triggered something in me...Note, he said yesterday that he wasn't leaving till Sunday, and implied e-mail would be OK, both before that and during trip.


"Hi Dr. T,

So, you said you hoped the whole "nothing triggering" thing wouldn't change after 10 minutes. Well...it lasted 2 hours or so. Feeling upset/sad now and trying to figure out why.

I think it's partly that you wouldn't share why (or where?) you were going out of town. From past therapy experiences, if ex-T was going to be away, I might ask, "Work or fun?" And she'd say "I'm going to a conference," or, "I'm taking my grandson on a trip to New York City." With MC, we've asked, and he's said, "I'm taking my daughter to see some colleges" or (recently) "I'm going to a conference." Me: "Someplace warmer, I hope?" MC, "Yes, Tampa."

So I think I'm just used to getting responses to those sorts of questions. Not looking for some sort of details, just general ("conference," "headed to West Coast," or maybe, in your case, "[sport he plays semiprofessionally] competition"). Are you choosing not to disclose for your sake--privacy, or maybe you don't trust me with the information? Or are you doing it more for mine, like you don't know if it could potentially bother/upset me? (Particularly because of how some of MC's disclosures affected me.) Or both? Or is it just a blanket policy you have that has nothing to do with individual clients? Again, this is a case of what I'm used to with previous therapists vs. what I'm experiencing now. It's different, so it's confusing.

I think there might be more to it than that though...maybe it's also a bit tied up in the "what's your protocol if something happens to you" question. Because even though, statistically, people are much more likely to be in an accident/hurt close to home, I tend to have this huge fear about people's safety when they go away, going back to my parents--when I was a kid, I was convinced they'd die on this one New England trip when I was staying with my grandfather--and, for example, this one ex flying to Europe a month after 9/11, etc. So this is just a general fear of mine. (And maybe why I'm a bit afraid of travel personally?)

And I guess...on a less morbid note...I feel like I'm going to miss you while you're gone. I hope that's OK, both to feel that and to tell you that.

So...OK, think I needed to get all that out, the thoughts, the fears, etc. Short reply is fine--even just a sentence to say you read all this and are OK with it--longer, paid reply fine, too.

Thanks,

LT"

T's response:
"I'll go with the (free) short reply. All is well, and that's kind of you to say that you'll miss me while I'm away. As you say, therapists are quite different in their approach to sharing information about our lives outside the therapy office. Hopefully you will see it as I do - my healthy space between what happens in my office and out of my office. I hope you have a fabulous week!"