My Support Forums - View Single Post - Death- expected vs. unexpected

nonightowl · Feb 17, 2018, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyRae

For me,even though some deaths were "expected" and I thought I was prepared for them,I wasn't at all.I think both are equally hard to deal with.

I agree----one can't be prepared either way.

I lost a good friend suddenly in July of 2016. Even the doctors couldn't tell what caused it. He just collapsed suddenly and never woke up again when the ambulance got him, taking him to the hospital. The worse thing for me is I didn't find out till about 2 months later, online.....Terrible way to find out something like that. Just so impersonal or something. And I also feel bad about getting annoyed with him the last time I saw him. How could I know it was literally the last time? He didn't look well, as I recall. But death was the last thing on my mind...and maybe his too.

For an "expected" death, my mom got lung cancer last year. I knew she was dying, so it was just a matter of time. But I didn't know how long, nobody did. So I'm not sure this was easier--just different.

With my friend, it was such a shock that he's just gone just like that.

With my mom, going through each day thinking "Any day now, any minute now" was brutal. I didn't know how to deal with that. I don't think I ever did.

I didn't get closure in either death, like saying goodbye. I didn't have a good relationship with my mom, and I barely saw her the last few months. Never bonded with her, never got to talk about things before it's too late.

I know that any of us can "go at any time" but most of us don't think about it. I know I don't, as getting through the day is hard enough without thinking, "I could get hit by a car tomorrow" (example).

Those experiences have left me a different person, like I now hold my tongue on petty annoyances. That person could be gone tomorrow.

Not sure, but I might have lost another friend. She wasn't close but it's not like her not to call me back. She is (was?) an old lady who lives alone and is in poor health. Last time I tried to call again after a couple of months passes, her number was disconnected. That left me with a bad case of deja vu. (My friend's number was disconnected awhile before I found out the reason why......)

I was going to have the police due a "welfare check" but I don't know her address. Just an old phone number.