I am just at the lowest of lows. I am constantly surrounded by negative and bad influencing people. I never dreamed life could be so horrible. Almost 50 and nothing to show. flat broke. do not own a home. hardly any friends. no one to count on and live in an awful depressing environment. I hate my low paying job. Everyone treats me like crap. I don't know any different. I don't have a husband. had one once but he treated me like crap also. I can't date because I can't tell the men who I "really" am. So I resorted to only dating married men because it is a secret world with excitement and I feel wanted and I KNOW I can't really have them. Why wouldn't I do this?? I mean I was raised to believe I am nothing, worthy of nothing, incapable of anything and always yelled at, etc. can do nothing right. so yeah. I am trying for single men now but this a joke