I've been in a similar situation. You can PM me if you want. I now regard the relationship as having been extremely emotionally abusive and regard the 3 different experiences of couples therapy we had as instances of amplified abuse. I am no longer married to that person but they are a (nearly) daily part of my life as we are co-parenting.
The reddest (and most familiar flag) for me in your story is the part about excluding people from your life who disagree with your wife. It sounds like you have way more perspective about it than I did while still in the relationship so that's good. Getting progressively more isolated with a person who had BPD is a desperate and lonely place to be. A therapist who encourages this sounds very unethical.
I hope you have enough support just for you in all this. Good luck.
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