Every once in a while something will happen that sends me into depression overdrive. I go through lists on line looking for ways to cope. I cry. I journal. And yet I still can't deal with it. Something that always comes up is the suggestion to talk to someone. I don't have anyone. I have online friends but we're more acquaintances than anything else. My family doesn't listen. Or they don't have time. I end up crying myself to sleep.

I looked for a warmline in my state but we don't have one nearby that covers my county.

*** Trigger ***
Sometimes I go to bed thinking I've done everything in life I can do and now I'm tired and done. I think I don't care to do anything else. Great slumber take me away forever. Then I cry and cry and end up worrying about my cat. If I died, he would die too. No one checks on me or cares about me. I would lay dead in my apartment until somebody smelled me. I don't want to do that to my cat.

I wish I didn't have to get to that point. And I can't tell anyone about it or they'll lock me up. But this is how I cope. And I've been hospitalized more times than I can remember.