I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Don't forget that you have us as a sounding board, too. While I never lived with a host family (an experience I'm sure is stressful) I worked in Germany for several years, so I know what it's like to be depressed & symptomatic abroad. It certainly isn't easy. If you can break your travel experience down into bite-sized pieces it might help. Focus on the day, or week, rather than the distant future. I noted that you're also worried about your internship when you return...that's far in the future, so don't borrow trouble. I know this advice sounds simplistic & I don't mean to minimize what you're going through, but trying to live in the day helped me through a few very difficult times. I hope things clear enough so you can enjoy your experience abroad.