Quote:
Originally Posted by 97248ce26
Here's my situation. My father's a control freak. My mother's an enabler for him. I'm engaged to someone I don't really love because I don't want to be alone. I found out a few days ago I found out that the person I do love went off with someone who is definitely not suited to her yet again as if she didn't learn from the first time. I'm in my mid 20s with ADHD and Anxiety disorders and an IQ of 185. Yet I have been rejected in 36 Intervews back to back so I'm unemployed. It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed everyday. I've hit a wall in my research and haven't made any progress in the last year.
I want to scream into a canyon.
I want to punch everyone around me in the face.
I want to curl up and never get up again.
I feel nothing. I don't feel empathy. Family doesn't interest me. About the only thing I feel is the rage built up over the years of physical abuse by my father that never got out. Yet I find myself oddly calm, not a good calm but creepy calm, almost evil. I also enjoy torturing and killing small animals but I refrain from it. I have no idea what I have become.
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I understand the rage and the hate you must be feeling but, taking it out on helpless creatures or thinking about doing worse than that is only going to eat away at you heart and soul.
I know it's hard but, you've got to reach down inside of yourself and get hold of it or it will wreck your life.
You have to fight it and you most definitely need to see a doctor and therapist before it gets any worse.
Don't sit around and let it build. Find something to distract yourself from it. I understand the evil feelings too.
One can only take so much before one cracks. Try to find things that calm your nerves and focus on them.
If you want someone to talk to about, send me a pm.
