I think questioning this assumption that someone outside of your head is "aware", T or not, might be a helpful step. I'm not sure that anyone can know what's going on with me unless I tell them. For me, I know where this comes from.


As a child, I hid the CSA I experienced repeatedly from other people. I think I was brilliant at faking it and being the good girl everyone knew me to be. I made it my mission to not let anyone be aware, pick up, or sniff out how I felt or what I was thinking about inside my head. If I was bothered by something, I became an expert at not showing it.


In a way, hiding it became my way of not letting anyone see that I was affected by anything, like i was keeping myself secret, turtling in to protect the one part of me no one could ever get to--my private thoughts and feelings.


I know that only my last T, who has seen me have flashbacks and body memories for a long time, can recognize the signs that i've been triggered. And that's because he's both observed and because I've been able say what was going on with me out loud so he can connect the dots.


I think that belief that people "know" something we have not expressed may also be a survivor thing. Shame often makes us think that people can see our inside horrors, or we think they know but they've chosen to ignore us.


As a practical matter, can you conversate with your T about how you can communicate to her that you are triggered and what she can do to help you through it?