As a child, he gave me a lot of attention, but when I grew up he wasn't around. As an adult he was critical and lacked empathy. I know he loved me but he couldn't show it.

My step-mother, (he cheated on my Mother and remarried three times,) told me he had been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Depression. He took a ssri and sometimes he wouldn't take them and he'd get super mean with rages and my step-mother would threaten to divorce him if he didn't take his meds. He was an alcoholic, died of liver cancer.

At first after he died, ( one week ago,) I felt nothing, was even secretly glad. Now I am teary...depressed, anxious. Almost admitted myself to the psyche ward. Having rapid cycling. The moods last about half a day then switch.

My therapist left her practice. I'm going to try and find another one. I feel like I don't love him enough to warrant grief counselling.

Thanks for listening, just needed to share this.