Hello all. How is everyone doing? I'm not sure if this is in the right forum. But if it isn't. Please feel free to move it to the correct forum it belongs in. And I am sorry if I am bringing up an old post. I haven't used this site for awhile I think. I don't know. Well. I've been diagnose with bipolar and depression and I have been struggling with it all month. I've been having problems with my bipolar since December because I was constipated and kept worrying about it nonstop. I know this sounds silly. But now my doctor has gave me treatment. Everyone says I always like to worry, etc. My stress and anxiety has been through the roof. My moodswings have been acting up, etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. I went in last week to see my doctor. He said I've been having manic episodes. And it's scaring me because I haven't gotten much sleep. I did sleep pretty well last night though. But I've been having strange dreams like nightmares, vivid dreams, etc. I've been on Depekote/Volponic Acid for years now. He just uped the dose. 250mg. One in the morning and two at night. Now I have to take two in the morning and two at night. I don't know when all this will wear off. It's starting to scare me a bit.

A couple of weeks ago I thought I was hearing things. I thought maybe my mind has been playing tricks on me due from not sleeping well. And this isn't the first time this has happened to be too. Minus hearing things. I was going through the same phase in summer 2015 and it wasn't a fun experience at all. I am with my counselor and I just started therapy again. Everything was fine after 2015 and so on. So maybe I'm just going crazy? I don't know. My anxiety is keeping me from going out side and enjoying life. And a past couple nights, this ONLY happens when I'm about to nod off to sleep. I always hear loud thoughts. Not voices but just thoughts. No talking, no one saying my name, etc. Just like a thud noise, etc. I don't know if its from stress, etc. I can't find a psychologist that can properly diagnose me because I have traditional medicaid and most psychologists these days want out of pocket money. My doctor has prescribed me almost every medicine I can think of that can help me with my bipolar. And with the sounds I've been hearing am I just loosing it? I've never had issues with these at all. And I am 26 years old. Turning 27 in 4 months. I FINALLY managed to get a job and I have this stuff I gotta worry about. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid that if I tell him what's going on now he'll have me committed or something. Bipolar depression runs in my mom side of the family. And my cousin shes dealing with the same stuff I have. So it's tough.

I am literally scared right now, thinking my life will be ruined if I tell my doctor about the loud thoughts I've been hearing, etc. And the nightmares I've been experiencing. I am hoping I'm not going to die or anything because I'm still 26 and never had a girlfriend in my life. The new dosage of my medicine seems to be helping a bit though. But I am just worried about my life is all. And my hearing has been sensitive due to the anxiety. So if a pin drops I jump. And I don't know what to do if the sounds come back again. Especially if I try to fall asleep. I've managed to go to bed at 11:30PM last night, woke up at 6:30am this morning. Though I had a rough time to wake up again. Sorry for the long post. Just getting tired of this. I've been bullied all my life too. so it's rough for me. I've been having dreams/nightmares of being bullied too. So this is rough to deal with. So I'm hoping this stuff will work out. Again sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. I am a person who tends to over react to silly things. But the sounds from my thoughts are starting to worry me a bit though. As I said they only happen when I try to fall asleep though. I've been doing mindfulness meditation, etc. My doctor said if I'm still going through Mania problems he might have to think of something else if the medicine isn't working. So that's why I'm afraid. Thank you for the help. I've never been this miserable in my life. T_T Again if this post is in the wrong forum please feel free to move it. Thank you.