She is definitely pushing your limits and you did the right thing to disengage for awhile. This will help set limits in the future.

I went through a very rough period with my son. What eventually helped so life did not spiral out of control is that I picked my arguments with him very carefully. I let a lot of things slide but not certain ones. If she is physical with you and you are not able to stop it call the police.

We also got therapy separately. It helped. I had to learn to disengage from arguments with him and not get emotionally drawn in. It was hard but it helped to some degree. I know this is not perfect advise but it is a start.