I have nothing to add, Emily, except that I joined eHarmony a few weeks ago and I, too, am disappointed in the results. And I paid. Granted, I haven't been looking at it very much because I've been busy, but I understand everything that you have said.

My ex was passionate about his job. Which meant anytime we had plans and something at work came up, he couldn't put up boundaries and say "I'm sorry, I'm not working tonight." He immediately ran to every client's imagined emergency. I was never a priority to him. Our relationship was never a priority, even though he said it was all the time...But actions speak louder than words.

Another ex was passionate about his career in music...so passionate that even though he made no money, he couldn't do anything else to actually pay the rent.

I could go on and on... but I understand the red flags you speak of.

Seesaw