It sounds like your husband doesn't make love to you but just uses you to get himself off.

Kinda like your friend who isn't really a friend but just uses you when she is hungry for a sandwich and actually has no problem asking you to let her know if you leave your husband so she can have a stab at him.

Could it be that you don't really WANT to have a real relationship? And that is why you connect with people that can be distant and selfish? That that is how you actually have more control? And you just don't realize it?