We have been together on and off since 2015, moved in together in December of 2016. We shared everything, even our cell phones. I started having hormone problems in October, and our sex life pretty much stopped. We still went places and showed our love to each other. Then the beginning of November I got the cell phone bill and to my surprise, he had started speaking to women, one of whom was a friend of ours, till she admitted to me she had fallen in love with him in December of 2016. We agreed no more contact. I found out that he started texting and calling his ex's. 1000’s of text and calls. I had often asked if I could use his cell for one thing or the other, and he suddenly became very protective of it. I played along and slowly stopped going places with him, and doing things for him. Each bill would take a piece of my heart. I hoped and prayed he would come clean. I became obsessed with the daily call and text logs, but couldn't bring myself to ask him what was going on, till a month ago. He denies everything except for talking to the old friend and a few female co workers. He said that the phone company made mistakes in billing. He erased all the calls and text, and when I finally got his phone I was restoring the messages and he snapped the phone out of my hand and said he had personal conversation with his daughter, whom he rarely talks to that he didn't want me to see, and said he was insulted that I would even think he was cheating. He pushed all the blame back to me, and said nothing is going on. He says he loves me and doesn't want me to leave, but he is gaslighting me, and it is literally killing me. I lost my husband in 2013, and he was the most faithful man I ever knew, and know I hate myself even more for not making him fight the cancer.
I told him all he had to say was one word and it would be over, but he says telling me it was a mistake is good enough, I know I would be gone in a heartbeat if the shoe was on the other foot, but he won't even do that. He is hiding something and I can't let it go. I swore to myself that I would never let a man hurt me again. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in a lease for another 5 months, and I am afraid I am going to come home and find an empty apartment, it's already affecting my job. I don't know what to do. I really just want to fall asleep and not wake up….