<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

My mother had a really unstable childhood and rough life but although I understand her a little more as I got older I can't excuse her.

I finally figured out that I wasn't all those things my mother said or sometimes didn't have to say. I am me and I am just who I want to be.

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It's these words that have kept "my monster" at bay for the most part. I've changed a lot of things that I could have easily passed down to my kids and I feel proud for that. But now that I've had an empty nest for some years, I could have done something with my life other than being a good mother and wife, housekeeper, etc. Since now is when I've been getting nudged quite a bit, I believe it's time for me to deal with that last, ugly monster, dredge up that courage that I've been praised for and accept as fact and face that last dragon. This, perhaps, is my toughest battle yet; to be able to acknowledge that all the slats that got pulled out from under me, I can rebuild myself. I don't need my mother to help me rebuild. I need to acknowledge that "I AM" intelligent, "I AM" a worthy person, "I AM" lovable, (choking on that one!) "I AM" courageous, "I AM" capable... as impossible and improbable as that may seem now.

I talk big, don't I? LOL In reality, I'm quaking in my boots. I don't know if it's worth going through that pain again. But for now, I'm going to make like Scarlett O'Hara and "think about that tomorrow."

Thank you so much for your supportive post, {{{{Heidu}}}} You have your dragons to slay, too.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>