That friend, C, texted me NINE more times that night after I asked her to stop texting me. When she got the message that I was never going to respond, she called and apologized (a first!). I said that she and I can still be friends, but my marriage is none of her affair and i won’t discuss it with her anymore.

Maybe the 98% telephone/2% IRL relationships aren’t real relationships? My family, and this friend fall into that category.

So the only IRL relationships are with my h and only 1 son now, because I see them every day.

The whole sexual struggle with h was about control. I needed what I needed to be able to feel sexual and satisfied. And that need was his attention and initiation. He just wouldn’t/couldn’t do that because it just wasn’t in his mind. He wanted it the way he wanted it, which was just not pleasing to me.

My God, I have been so miserable for 25 years. This was a prison sentence!

It was what Divine said about how shameful for me to be hanging on for money. My children will learn to make their own money if nothing should come to them.

My thinking that way was due to my father getting the shaft from his father, which led him to early death. But, I can let that go now.

He pleaded with me not to rush into divorce. We do have a few years left with our son in HS.

Right now, I have a house to have repaired, a big job to over see.

So we’re in separate bedrooms again. What hell.

There’s even more going on I can’t even mention here, which makes me now not even want a future with him.

If you can’t see a future, it’s really time to get out, I know. Thanks all.