Because I have stayed married to him for 30 years, my husband must be giving me something I lack. Once, when I tried to bring myself to leave him, I was finding myself going over the edge--I was getting paranoid, delusional, having panic attacks. It was rough because he was being stern with me to keep us from divorcing but alot of it all came from within me. I fear I would not know how to function without him if I left. I married him because he is mostly loving and has helped me cope with many things but in so many things he insists his POV is the only true version of the way the world is/should be. I made this thread certain he will read it. (When I post at PC, it still seems like he brings the subject up with 12 hours of my posting it. ) So in a way, I am using this thread to try to open up to him. Or is it just delusion/paranoia that he still follows. He definitely gaslighted me about not reading my posts once--finally admitting it when I confronted him with the things he was saying and how they were matching my posts. He has since said that was a one time thing but the incident fuels my paranoia of him.