Hi Kayleigh -- If you were "totally worthless" you would be perfect -- right? -- and no one is perfect. This kind of language is "totalizing language" and can keep us stuck in places that aren't fun and where we don't want to be.

I know, for sure, because I have to monitor my self-talk for totalizing negative language all the time. I spent a week with my mom at Christmas -- the longest time I've spent in her presence in more than a decade -- and there was a steady stream of negative observations about life. I've had to deliberately break away from the way of thinking that I inherited -- and even though it is still a struggle, I am so grateful for the progress I've made.

Dr. David Burns books, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and "The Feeling Good Handbook" have many great suggestions. But you have to use them -- which involves writing out self-talk and then arguing against it. Perhaps you can find these books at a library.

I also just noticed this article in The Self Improvement Newsletter. This is the first paragraph:

"* ARTICLE: Is neediness ruining your love life? - By John Gray, author
of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus **
---------------------------------------------

In a recent survey conducted at AskMarsVenus.com, “neediness”—clingy,
controlling, possessive and/or demanding behavior—was one of the most
commonly cited reasons for ending a relationship. Dating couples are
calling it quits because they feel they either cannot or do not want to
please their partner! It’s simply TOO MUCH WORK! If you’re a member of the
dating world, and are confused about why it isn’t working for you- the
answer lies in a better understanding of how the opposite sex thinks.

Go to www.selfgrowth.com/
to subscribe. This is issue Jan. 11-12 #331.

Don't beat yourself up so much, Kayleigh. You are doing fine.