I sometimes can't tell if it's my mind being depressed causes some of the physical pain or my body in pain causes the mind to go to depression. I'm taking stuff for both.
I also went mildly hypo over the weekend. I had a lot of fun and stayed sober even! I asked a girl to dance, even though I cannot really dance. I used moves I learned in exercise classes. I let go of a lot by doing that. It was fully me experiencing a moment, even though I knew I wasn't equipped and was very frightened of my abilities, or lack thereof.
I've been wrestling all morning with something. I don't want to deal with it and am going to have to meditate on it and let it fully take me for a while. Really it's two things. The molestations have been giving me a lot of scared feelings today which I need to deal with by telling myself that was a very long time ago and doesn't happen to me now. That's mixing with my wanting to give this for now gym friend a hug. I think I like her and can't keep her out of my head for long. Those two things really do a Fab job effing confuse me. I'm not going to tell her yet because I don't trust anyone, especially me.
I also caused a rift in my parents last night after I said one of my favorite parts of going to a concert was going alone because I didn't have to wait on anyone for anything and it was all about experiencing the music in my own personal way. My mom said something akin to not all women are hard to deal with then asked my Dad to verify that. Mom's been in a wheelchair since December of 2015. Bad question Mom.
My ramblings for now. I know others here are having it much worse, but this is me presently.
Pained and confused and afraid.