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seesaw · Feb 19, 2018, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

If you don’t want your daughter to be physical with you, it would help for you to set the same example by not spanking her. Spanking her sends the message that when we’de Upset, we hit. If you can show some control and use your words with her, it will help teach her to do the same.

Mia your daughter in therapy? If she is not already, she probably should be. If she is, can you ask her therapist for advice?

Most kids at that age just want to feel loved and understood. They want to know they are important and their parents will love them and stick by them no matter what. I know you’ve chosen to send your daughter away for now, but you could still call her and tell her you love her and will bring her home as soon as you get some help for yourself so you know how to handle these situations better. Do you see a T for yourself? If so, can you ask for parenting strategies to help you?

I agree with Scorpiosis about the spanking. I also agree that you both should be in your own individual therapy. I think it's quite possible that she's feeling resentful that you had her hospitalized and then you abandoned her by sending her to her grandmother (saying this from her perspective). What I get a lot of from your post is you judging her behavior and actions and very little understanding or compassion for her feelings. I also agree that parenting strategies will help you de-escalate these situations before they get out of control.

I also don't think it's appropriate to share the struggles you've been through with an 11-year-old. It's fine to know mom is struggling, but it can be easily misinterpreted as blaming on the child or the child feeling like they have to take responsibility and all sorts of unintended consequences to the child's psyche.