Thank you very much for your response, thoughts and questions.

I suppose that it might matter for and to me because I still care, have feelings and so on. I do not disagree with the statements in your post. I think that I should also note that I do hold myself responsible for preceding events that sublated to the end of our relationship. I do not think, nor do I want, to appear and be as if I am (entirely) nocent and so forth.

Please allow me to verify that I do not think I am not engaging in only romantic recollection and/or perspectives, selective memory and other similar behavior. Moreover, I try to judge my judging and judgments to minimize and possibly present self bias and so forth. Maybe, I am still deceiving myself.

In response to your question in your last paragraph, I think that change is a possibility, whether it is in regards to the present, a person, his/her feelings and more. Also, we both seemed (I stress “seemed”) to love one another. Maybe, I was the only one. (Additionally, I think that I explained some more interconnected thoughts in previous posts.)






Thank you very much for your empathy, wishes and input. Haha, no, no, not all relationships are like as you said. I am trying to come to terms with not being with one another. Yeah, at this point, I am likely to attend therapy.




I appreciate your judgment, even if it is only based on my (limited) story and my attempts to curtail self-bias. Would you please be so kind as to elaborate your claim in your second sentence in your first paragraph? I understand the claim and agree, but I am attempting to figure out the specific purpose of such a claim. Are you suggesting that she was merely "hanging out" with me while I paid how ever much for what ever (until I had no more money?)

Yeah, I will probably start therapy soon. I will try to reply to your statement about self-respect, self-esteem, inability to let go and to desire to be with people who mistreat me. As for self-respect and self-esteem, it is debatable. As for the inability to let go and to be with someone who mistreats me, for me, I viewed the relationship with her through and of love. Moreover, I was of the perspective that she loved me; therefore, I would try to forgive, empathize and resolve instances such as mistreatment. I would not simply abandon or stop loving someone without my choice depending upon the circumstances.

Additionally, two other relevant, interconnected focuses are how the person is and change. For example, in London, did she reveal herself to be how she is in general and was merely showing a facade to me until the circumstances evoked for her to reveal herself as how she is? She seemingly used me before London, but not to the extent of how she did in London. Moreover, she revealed herself to be much different in London once there was tension, during the breakup and post breakup than how she was prior to the tension and so forth. Also, in regards to change, is not possible for someone to change? For instance, is it not possible for her to change how she is (or even was?) Was she, perhaps, only temporarily as she was (in mistreating me) and so on?

As much as she mistreated me, she would assert that I mistreated her and revealed myself to be someone (e.g. abusive) with whom she did not want to be, nor did she perceive me to be until I "showed" her that I was like how I was while in the UK. I was stressed and of anxiety in the beginning because i was missing some loved ones and so forth, yet she seemed to hold that against me. I was not always pleasant and failed to be more of a decent person and boyfriend, which I still regret.

Another source of anxiety and stress was just our situation in general because I was the only one with funds and spending them on the two of us. She seemed unconcerned and highly persuading me to rent an apartment for the two us, even though she had no money and was "waiting" in the disbursement of her loan.

In response to your "extreme emotion" statement, I would say that I am just that heartbroken about the relationship, where I and my life were going, and where I am and my life are now.

What seemed to be a life plan (e.g. attending grad school, living elsewhere, living with a significant other, being with one another, marrying this person, having kids) was annihilated into the past and is unlikely to be a possibility again of the present. Additionally, she left me as if I, we and our relationship were nothing to her. Moreover, she continues to live her life as if I (we and our relationship) am nothing to her. Now, I am broken(hearted,) and trying to exercise my will again to live and continue with my life, yet I find myself struggling, hurting (and so on.)

Thanks much again for posting. I am immensely appreciative.