That sounds like a situation that would not be good for your healing. I'm glad you did write to the bereaved family, even if your mother was angry at you. I'm sure the others understood where you're at and you still connected with them.

But the other thing...being angry and taking it out on yourself...if it's not your fault, then disperse the anger...writing, hitting a pillow, play music and sing at the top of your voice--things that allow you to feel your anger and discharge it without harming yourself.