Because of what I am experiencing right now, I would say that shame & guilt are your friend's issues. I know that I'm having a hard time understanding my own struggles in dealing w/my abuser and I am so ashamed that I cannot seem to completely break free. Logically, I know that I should not harbor guilt or shame. I was the abused....but the resulting problems are really affecting my life right now. I'm sure that your friend is feeling some of that too. Being calm when communicating is my way of trying to "fool" my listener (and myself) into thinking that I'm really ok, when nothing could be further from the truth. Just continue to be a friend to him....obviously you are a good one.
(((((to you&your friend))))))))