So it's my mother's birthday. She died in late March of 2016, so nearly 2 years ago.

For some reason, I'm having problems today. I know it will pass. We did NOT have a good relationship. By every measure I can see, she was a very toxic person. My sister and I believe she was a rampant narcissist. Like, textbook. She was also a martyr type. I've been in therapy since 2013 for my mother issues. When she died in 2016, I was sad because I mourned the relationship we never had.

So it started yesterday. I ate badly (I'm usually fairly healthy), processed sugar and a energy drink. I almost never eat sweets that arent natural and in the right amounts. But yesterday, lemon girl scout cookies (which were not that good by the way) and a Rockstar drink. I usually drink black coffee in the morning, nothing more for caffeine. It's also windy and chilly out. I feel low, with a crappy physical feeling in the pit of my stomach. This doesn't happen every year. But it's happening now.

I'm just here. Kind of drifting along on low mood.