lonely since school started, maybe since I was 3.

ashamed since 4.

alone since kindergarten years (5?). I never minded when my father was gone for long stretches of time. but my mother leaving every night and not coming back made me feel alone, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. never was too good at the whole being someone's kid thing. wasn't any help emotionally or socially to my mother. she let me know that. dramatic.

lack of faith and suicidal since those years too. maybe 8. what use is it to curse god, and scream and cry?

stranded since 11.

my timeline isn't too accurate, for all I know, everything happened all at the same time, since I was a baby. but of course I can't remember when I was really little.

anyway I don't have a psychiatrist, I don't want medication. maybe I'd get a therapist so I don't bother people in my real life, but I'd rather have a hug first. I feel alone and wrong, and no amount of competence or qualifications could help me. I have no emotions, I have been empty my entire life.