I had one of the most powerful days yesterday where everything seem "unreal". I felt like a little girl again, trapped and unable to escape.

The dreams don't stop with the average of 3-4 hours of sleep I am getting. I was glad to have felt so ill yesterday as I could sleep. But my sleep is not the kind I so desperately need. Filled with horror, so strange how one can feel back in the place of hell.

So I cut and really did not want to stop. But I did eventually. The urges are still so strong. I can't fight this. I feel so alone even though I am not in reality. How can one have so many around yet feel so alone? There is no where to run, no where to hide anymore. I can't hide this anymore.

Justy