Anxiety is incredibly severe today. I feel like I’m having a heart attack. If I didn’t know it was anxiety I would be at the ER right now. I don’t know wtf my problem is. I don’t know if the alcohol destabilized me or if I would have been here anyway, I don’t know. I do know I have pledged to give up drinking beyond one glass of wine at least until my birthday (April 4).

I feel like my sister in law is mad at me. She still hasn’t responded to my texts. Maybe my messages aren’t going through though or she’s sick. I don’t know. She hasn’t posted on Social media either which is very unusual for her. I’m worried about her. I’m worried about everything. I’m scared for my life right now. Everyone’s life.

I’m at a professional development day for my district. My next workshop is drugs and alcohol. It will be very triggering for me. I shouldn’t have signed up for it. Maybe that’s part of the reason I’m such a big ****ing mess right now. I don’t know.

I can’t eat today. I feel like if I do I will throw it back up shortly. I drank a protein shake just to get something in my stomach.

I have therapy today and I usually feel better after talking to my therapist so hopefully I will feel better soon.