I do agree with this. In theory & on paper. It’s also hard to really recognize dysfunctional in a long relationship bec sometimes the dysfunction has taken yrs to manifest. It can just creep in, unseen, unchallenged & settles into yrs of what we first see as comfort. Or we see it as a sacrifice for the good of the relationship so we bend & mold ourselves into harmony bec that’s what makes a long relationship flow. Mutual give & take. The longer the relationship, the better the hindsight.

But bec of constant change we see things differently. In ourselves & then in our partner. Things we now see as a problem, but before we didn’t. So we change again; we grow. The issue is in such a long relationship that we ask our partner to change with us or grow with us, to see things differently in us & maybe in themselves.
If our partner doesn’t understand this change, value it, scoffs at it, ignores it & doesn’t wanto do any change or growth in themselves it pulls the relationship apart & builds chasms of discord between them. We doubt whether the change is valuable in the first place. Then add on top of that a MH issue we can blame as the culprit & the partner can also point to a MH issue as a possible root for this change....well it becomes a vicious circle of self doubt, no self esteem & we give in. We give up. We die on the inside as a sacrifice to save the relationship bec the length of time put into the union is now more valuable than the individuals.

Not sure that made any sense at all.
Sorry. But it’s the shoes I’m presently standing in & see so many other women in.