It's not that I am incapable of doing things. I am doing things. It's just I'm only able to do things that are not crucial, and not able to do things I really should be doing.

My husband and I have a class on Thursday nights. It's now Tuesday and I haven't studied the course work at all. I have zero desire to do so. Part of the reason is because deep down I'm not committed to the reason we're taking the class. I have been feigning an interest in it, but deep down I dread the idea.

It's almost 2 pm and I'm still in bed. I've been in bed with my laptop since I officially "woke up" at about 9 am. I wrote two blog posts, but only after attempting to write about four other ones. I have had a number of ideas lately, but often have difficulty turning them into finished products. So I did manage with two eventually. I guess that's good. But I do need to take a shower. I didn't yesterday, even though I was sweating a lot when I was cleaning up. For some reason every time I do a little housework or cooking I seem to sweat profusely. That, too, is a deterrent to doing anything physical.

I see a new therapist tomorrow. My 4.5 year therapist is ending her practice, and I'm really sad to be losing her. I guess I should be preparing something for tomorrow. I did already fill out the office forms, but haven't outlined any therapy goals or more detailed history. I am NOT looking forward to regurgitating my whole mental health history! I'm 46 and my mental health history starts at 15 years old. I did provide the very very basics in the office forms. I'm hoping she just asks some basic questions that I can answer in a couple of minutes each, max.

I am on disability and am currently not significantly depressed, but not yet capable to start working. I haven't even been able to really do anything reliably outside my home. If this new therapist starts asking when I want to return to work, I'm going to feel like vomiting.