I am incredibly thankful to you and everyone else, who has read or read and replied (especially for continuing to do so.) I very much appreciate your explanation of why to attend therapy. I think that it is one of my next, upcoming steps.

I am increasingly learning that is so. Before I focus on me, I will try to quickly note that I once dated a girl, who was similar in behavior to my most recent ex girlfriend. In all seriousness and through academic and non-academic research, the girl from how ever many years ago exhibited multiple traits on several sociopathy checklists. I say the aforesaid info because I notice(d) several shared characteristics between my ex girlfriend from years ago and my current ex girlfriend; however, I would not claim that my current ex girlfriend is of sociopathy.

Also, would you, maybe, please elaborate on "refusing to see a 'reality?'" I think that we have discussed such content in prior posts, but I am trying to not misinterpret what you are stating.

I think in previous posts that I partially addressed me in regards to choosing to be with her, choosing to continue to be with her (despite the specific history and her behavior,) and choosing to try to be with her.


Initially and for how ever long, she seemed to not be as she revealed herself to be in London and when I returned home from London. Prior to this seeming revealingness, there were probably signs, tipoffs and so forth that I choose to suspend judgment, did not notice, did not care or any combination of the three aforesaid actions. For how ever many months prior to London, I was willing to find out how she was as a person through our interaction in the unfolding of history. I liked her very much, strongly wanted to become familiar with one another, to find out if she and I could become a "we" and how far we could go as a "we." She also allegedly shared the aforesaid perspectives and would me so. (In previous posts, I think that I discussed to some degree what history and she were like in the context of money and behavior to a level were like to an extent prior to moving to London.)

When I chose to be in love with her, I was willing and wanting to resolve issues, differences and so forth with one another. Moreover, I was willing and wanting to forgive, move on and overcome history (past and present) as a couple, who were allegedly in love. I would not simply give up on someone, stop loving someone or anything similarly because of flaws, tension drama and so on in general. I consciously choose to be so in love with her that I wanted to marry her and for her to be the mother of my children. Likewise, she told me that she wanted the same and shared the aforesaid feelings. (As I also explained in previous posts, I would not simply stop loving someone without circumstances. The decision and action to stop loving would depend on the context.)

Right before she dumped me, she allegedly offered the possibility (several times) for me to repair the relationship and continue to be with her. She appeared wanting and willing to still be with me. With that said, her offer was most vague in how and what to mend to continue being with her, even though she claimed that the offer was "explicit" in both how and what to mend. After she dumped me, I consciously choose to be responsible to how ever much of a degree for my actions and how ever much of the history that served as content for her in her decision to dump me. Moreover, my love for her was that intimate, strong and intense that I was not wanting and unwilling to simply not try (and fight) for the woman whom I loved and with whom I had a life plan (past, present and future.) I also still shared the aforesaid perspectives in the two above paragraphs about being a we and resolving (our) differences and so forth together. (As I elaborated in past posts, she also told me that she still loved me and so on, but she was "traumatized" with what I did and did to her. Additionally, she allegedly wanted to not talk for a period of time for us to "both heal so we can try to be together again..." there is probably other content, but I will leave it at that.)

I apologize for another wall of text. I suppose that you could precede all or most of what I just typed and ask, "why" I choose to be drawn to her to originally and chose to continue to be drawn to her and so on, but I would argue that how she was as a person and in general was not disclosed to me until how ever long in our history that she and I share. When she did disclose herself to be how she was, by then, I was choosing to be in such an intimate love with her (and so on as above paragraphs explain.)

(I'd also add the possibility of change as a reason for choosing to continue being with her. I elaborated on change in earlier posts. Change is always a possibility. Whether it would be change in her changing how she was, in me changing how I was, both of us changing how we were and were together, I, she, we changing the present circumstances and so on.)