I am sorry to post again and to do so before anyone else posted since my last message. I currently am in overwhelming pain and suffering after discovering some news (to me.) I feel incredibly hurt, abused and used. It is not my attempt to play the victim. So, please tell me if I seem to be.

If anyone would possibly reply to the following question, I would be most grateful... Is anyone of the opinion that I abandoned my ex girlfriend and that she should have dumped me?

I am struggling immensely to just be right now. I keep thinking that there was something, which I could have done in order to stay in London and stay with her. I keep blaming myself for what happened, how what happened and not staying in London and with her. I keep considering "what could have been" if I were to have stayed in London and continued to be with her; however, now, I both acknowledge and share the perspective in the present that she did not love me, that I am nothing to her now (and for how ever long,) and so on. I was numb for a while, but I am now in incredible pain.

It's as if I were played the entire time, then when I was of no more use to her, she kept me in the background for how ever long in case she chose to continue using me before changing her mind to discarding me entirely since I was and am nothing to hear (which is also probably when she found other man/men.)