((((( AAAAA ))))))

Now I understand why you are asking this question. I am sorry that he did that to you. He did a bad thing and was wrong. It is sad that you didn't feel that you had choices or could tell what really happened. That, to me, bears up that it was largely about control. You didn't have control, because you were drunk and not fully conscious, and later because you were afraid of consequences and decisions that would be made for you. Nobody had taught you that you did have the right to control your life and make decisions for yourself, and the results of that were sad. I admire your strength for being able to use your experience to know what you needed to teach your children.