Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch
I'm really sorry you are having to go through this.
Unfortunately, your partner does not live in the present moment, he lives in the past. He has a lot of self esteem issues. And if these issues did not present themselves in regards to your sexual relations in the past - they would show themselves in different ways.
You can't change any of this. All of this happened before you met your partner. These issues are for your partner to work on.
You have done a lot to meet him halfway - moving into the place for him, finding a job etc. How much is he doing for you? Don't allow him to fall into the "victim" role in this relationship whereby he acts overly needy and you run around the moment he clicks his finger. You will find yourself being emotionally drained.
I think you need boundaries now for discussing past sexual relationships. Allowing him to now continuously bring this up and ask you intimate questions and scrutinise every single detail is not going to do him any good (and he's proved that he can't handle hearing it either).]
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Thank you so much for your reply and for your thoughts and time! It is interesting that you say he I not living in the present moment. Because he keeps telling me that I hardly ever plan or think about consequences, but instead only live in the present moment.
I did not move in officially. We used to stay together every night from the start. When he fell sick I stayed at his place to look after him. And then he refused to come to my place. Officially I never moved in. I have a few things at his place, half the tome I do groceries, I do my share of clean. Last month I payed my share of the rent (allthough I don't have a key).
I am looking for jobs. But chances are not so good doing something qualified right away and I took my time... About one week voicing different ideas almost every day... I just try to adapt and be flexible...
Thing is he is always expecting the worst of me. Telling me that I am being selfish and anything but empathetic...
And I am so terrified that I keep expecting to be misunderstood... I tried to explain this but I don't know... I keep doing things that scare me. Like applying for job that would fit him perfectly except for it being fulltime, which is not an option for him at the moment. I just wanted to know how I feel about that field... When I should have told him that company was hiring.We are both looking for jobs. But he so far neglected any job I suggested...