I answered for my marriage counselor: "Yes, but they give me mixed messages about it." He did lots of things that made me feel special--mostly involving individual outside contact, including e-mail, some texting, occasional some phone calls (some lasting 30 minutes or more), never charging me for that. And there was just something about the way he talked to me and interacted with me that made me feel special (it's hard to explain, just a feeling). Yet once when I talked to him about wanting to feel special to him, he said how all of his clients are special, that he cares about each of them the same. And he was inconsistent in his boundaries, sometimes saying that he had to stay consistent to his role as a couples counselor.

All that came to a head during a falling out/rupture we had in December, during which he was basically gaslighting me, claiming that he'd always been consistent with couples vs. individual boundaries, and I replied by saying his boundaries had been "wildly inconsistent," which led to him getting very defensive and ultimately saying I had to reduce outside contact.

Current T, on the other hand, makes it very clear that I am his job, that we have a business relationship. He has fairly clear, consistent boundaries, like not allowing phone calls, text only for scheduling, and charging for e-mails that take him more than 15 minutes to read/respond to (though his couple responses he charged for were very long and thorough). That way, I'm still paying him for his time, and, as he put it, it's not like he's doing me a favor, it's part of his job. Same with extra sessions, which he allows. Of course part of me wants to feel special, but after the experience with MC, T's consistent boundaries make me feel much safer (I can't really say "secure" since I have insecure attachment in general).