Well.... you acknowledge there are many good things in your life, that’s “good” I think. But then, you “should” yourself (I’ve never found “shoulding myself” helps. In fact it harms.

As the often recommended meds is not an option for me.... I try to “contain” my suicidal thoughts etc by talking, and the other often recommended advice like exercise. I’m glad you are able to vent here without fear of being “judged” etc

I think you said you were seeing a therapist? If so, I hope they are helping somewhat? Keep posting, things can get better

PS PM me any time and thanks for being here for me too