I’m not sure what is happening. Saw my pdoc yesterday. A rushed appointment. He suggested taking Zyprexa for a few nights to settle things down but didn’t take time to ask me what is going on except hearing me briefly say I had been up and down and hallucinating. I was pissed to be honest. Feels like he wasn’t interested. Saw my T today and thankfully he listened although I was all over the place. For a few days I thought I was normal, now my thoughts are contradictory and downright weird and fast. Last night I felt so powerful and invincible. Today I still think that but also swing and think I’m losing my mind. The world around me is vivid, like a movie and I am the main character. I need to act so no one knows what is really going on for me. I feel like I’m breaking through to another dimension. I don’t know how else to explain.

My T was calm and said it would probably pass but that I should take some Haloperidol before I lose tough with reality. I asked how would I know and he said I most likely would be able to tell. I don’t want to take it and lose the magical feeling I have most of the time. T says it’s my choice but I’m risking a lot. It’s like I want to push the envelope and totally lose my mind. Even more so after seeing my pdoc. He can deal with the mess he ignored. Maybe it will pass on its own, maybe I will go crazy. I will just sit back and watch the movie. T says I’m mixed but I disagree. No depression and few mania symptoms. Never felt like this without being very unwell. Odd really.