Funny thing is I was in a simlar situation, and he worked for British Areospace....(maybe its the co ? lol)

I found that after fifteen years of being his mother I couldnt cope anymore and left with my children to rented accomodation and it was the best thing I have ever done in my life.

I was devastated in one way as I felt I had failed by not having a happy marriage ! It took one particular councilor who said these words to me .........

No matter what you do you can not change him and he is what he is, this you have to accept and then let go of him and all the anger and hatred. you can not change him.

Good luck with moving on.