I think it sounds to me like you wish there could be more intimacy in your relationship, but that your partner doesn't seem capable of that, even though he is basically a nice guy.

I tend to think... That if one person isn't really happy in a relationship (with the way things are at) that it is more likely that both of them aren't really happy than not.

It sounds like he is fairly narcissistic (I mean that in a technical sense) of being fairly self-absorbed and not very empathetic to your needs.

I guess when I hear this kind of thing... I always want to try and encourage people into therapy. I suppose that I think that he isn't as happy and robust as he may appear to be (losing his job really got to him etc) and supportive therapy could help build himself up so that he doesn't need to attempt to obtain validation by way of showing himself to be 'better than' others. It might be that as he starts to find himself... He will start to want (and be capable of) a relationship.

But it might be that he wouldn't be prepared to work on himself and work on your relationship.

How about couples councelling?